don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
I did not marry a roomba.
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