Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
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