This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
