Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
