So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Randomize
