I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
You smell like a Billy Joel song
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
