Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
