apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
My apartment stinks of burning failure
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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