If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
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