btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
I smell like Dick and happiness
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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