Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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