its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
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