I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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