Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
