to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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