Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Randomize
