Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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