I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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