In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
