Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Randomize
