I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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