The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
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