a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
