hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
