I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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