You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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