how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
