Small penises have feelings too.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
