I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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