the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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