hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Randomize
