How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Randomize
