Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
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