either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
