im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
