I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Ladies don't puke and tell
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Randomize
