She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
