Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Randomize
