I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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