If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
