One girl and one boy is just not enough.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
I just found a bag of teeth...
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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