Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Randomize
