I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
