Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
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