She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
