How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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