I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
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After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
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