just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
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