He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
This is classic penis vs brain.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Randomize
