It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
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