I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
