Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
