guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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