God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
Randomize
