I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Randomize
