Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Randomize
