READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Randomize
