So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
