I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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