we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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