Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
