did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
