So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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