after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Randomize
