1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
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