I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Randomize
