Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize