he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Randomize
