I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
Randomize
