So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Vodka?
Forever.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Randomize
