is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
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